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Empowerment
7 Easy Steps to Empowering Yourself
By Christoph Schertler
Jun 9, 2006
1. Ask Yourself: What Do I Want? To know what you want is the first
step for you to get it. If you don’t know what you want, how are you
supposed to get it? Many people know what they don’t want, but that does
not help them to get what they do want.
Walking through life with a clear understanding of what you don’t want
is not sufficient to empower yourself. It is like going shopping with a
list of items you don’t want to purchase. It can help to keep you away
from the things you don’t want, but it does not help you to get he
things you do want.
So ask yourself, “What do I want?” and keep listening until you hear a
reply from within.
2. Ask Yourself: What Is Stopping Me From Getting What I Want? This is an
interesting question to ask yourself and most likely you will end up with
an answer consisting of a mix of • Doubts (Maybe what I want in not the
right kind of goal for me). • Limiting beliefs (I can’t achieve/ I
don’t deserve to achieve what I want). • Attachments (Well, it would
be nice to achieve what I want, but then I have to give up x). •
Resource issues (I’d love to get what I want, I am capable of getting
it, I deserve to get it, but I simply don’t have the resources I need in
order to get it).
3. Deal With Your Doubts When you have a moment of peace and quiet, close
your eyes and internally visualize yourself achieving your goal. Make it
like a 3D movie with you inside the movie as the main actor. See, hear,
feel, smell, and taste what it is like to achieve what you are after. Make
it even more real by intensifying the sounds and colors in the movie.
If achieving this goal does not satisfy you fully, make adjustments to it
and rerun the movie until you are fully satisfied and have expelled any
doubt that this goal is right for you.
4. Deal With Your Limiting BeliefsThis can be a bit tricky, because some
of our limiting beliefs about our self, others, and the world stem from
the distant past and are hard to uncover. If you feel that you have
limiting beliefs that bother you but you find it hard to identify and
constructively deal with them, you might consider getting professional
help from a coach or therapist.
If you can identify a limiting belief, speak to it internally, as if it
was a person. Ask: “What is it you want for me?” Limiting beliefs are
often protective mechanisms that try to safe us from experiencing again
some kind of suffering we have experienced in the past; So when you ask
this question, you are likely to get an internal response like “To keep
you safe, to spare you from x happening again.”
When you know what your limiting belief is trying to achieve for you, you
can start a dialogue with that belief about what you could do to satisfy
its intention for you (e.g. "being safe") and at the same time
go after your goal (e.g. "committing to a relationship"
).
5. Find Out What Your Current Situation Does For YouThere is a very simple
agenda that all humans (and animals) live by: “Maximize Happiness,
Minimize Suffering.” Of course, there are different strategies people
employ to maximize happiness, and not all of them are successful. But the
agenda is pretty much universal.
Even people who seemingly are unhappy often get something positive out of
their misery (e.g. attention, a reason to not participate in something
they don't like, etc.) As provocative as it sounds, if you have been stuck
in an unhappy situation for a while, it is likely that you are getting
something out of it, because otherwise you would have moved on.
Consider this story: A businessman was transferred to a new position which
meant that he had to travel around the world constantly. After a little
while in this new position he picked up a habit that he had given up 10
years ago: Smoking. He was confused about that, because he had never
missed the smoking after he had given it up. “Why did I all of a sudden
start smoking again?” he asked himself.
Later, with the help of a professional, he realized that he had done it,
because it made it easier for him to socialize. In a job where he only
spent short periods of time with a constantly changing group of people,
smoking meant an easy way to connect to others. Once he realized why he
had started smoking again, he gave it up once more. He had to face the
challenge of learning how to socializing with others first, though.
If you want to move towards your goal you have to first be clear on what
you would like to keep from your present situation. Change for change's
sake only does not last. If you want to make a change in your life, make
sure it keeps the best aspects of your current situation and discards all
the aspects you do not like.
So take a good look at all the positive side effects your current
situation brings with it and try to integrate as many of them into your
goals. That way it will be easier for you to achieve and maintain your
desired future.
If your problems relate to resources only, make a resolution to make an
effort to access existing resources and create new ones. This can be a
tough road, but might very well be easier to handle than doubts, limiting
beliefs and attachments. External obstacles often are easier to overcome
than internal ones.
6. One Step At A TimeDon’t bite off more than you can check, but make
sure you do take a bite to get yourself started towards your goal. Move at
a pace that is comfortable for you, but not too comfortable, otherwise you
will slack. As you start to invest time and energy in your goal you will
find that it quickly starts to change
• Your sense of self
• Your relationships with others
• Your schedule
And last, but not least, your goal itself will start to change. Yes,
that's right, as you are going after your goal, it will start changing,
maybe a little, maybe a lot, but it will definitely change. It is helpful
for you to understand that that is a natural thing.
Life is a system, consisting of many parts, so as you start actively
changing one part of the system (going after your goal), all other parts
of the system will change, which in turn will make you re-evaluate your
goal.
Stay calm as all these changes unfold in front of your eyes and trust
yourself. With calm persistence you will reach your goal, even if it ends
up looking very different from what it looked like when you first set it.
7. Play A Bigger Game Playing a bigger game has to do with setting a goal
that does not just satisfy you as an individual, but involves some degree
of unselfishness and benefits others.
It also has to do with stretching yourself. If you do not feel a little
unsure of yourself, maybe even a bit uncomfortable and challenged, chances
are you are not playing a bigger game.
Playing a bigger game means embarking on a journey into the unknown, where
you become a tool for a higher purpose. It requires of you a certain
degree of surrender. It certainly is not a good game to play for control
freaks.
Why play a bigger game? Because there is no fun in life without playing a
bigger game.
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Coach/NLP Trainer with a passion
for empowering people. He works as a coach on a one on one basis with
businesses and individuals alike. He writes articles on self-empowerment
which he distributes through his free, bi-weekly Ezine NLP: The Secret Art
of Self-Empowerment. For more information go to http://www.pecoachi
ng.com! Copyright PEC, LLC 2006 Article may be published, if presented
in its entire
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